Something Has Followed Me For 23 Years

I… don’t know how to write this or even if it’s real. I could be a little off my rocker. When I was a little girl I grew up in a disgusting environment. Dad was Hells Angles and mom was a customer. Dad got moms stuff laced and here I am. didn’t have much love growing up, and was often choosing to be alone. I remember being 5 year old in my little plastic doll house bed, and feeling….like something I couldn’t see could see me. Then, my four sisters and two brothers (I’m the baby) would say “she’s afraid of the dark”. From that point on I never slept in my room and I didn’t sleep alone ever again. when I was 7 my sister crystal was the oldest and I always followed her around, to sleep beside, walk to the store, do dishes, sing, dance… I was her favourite but not picking favourites lol we were sleeping together. she had the old 80s long dresser wit the mirror without a frame/trim around it.

I remember waking up and feeling she wasn’t beside me. instantly went into fight or flight mode panicking of being alone in bed. She was at the edge of the bed talking to the mirror. She said it was her dad who died 2 years before I was born. I asked her last week if she remembers and crystal said nope. I remember it clear as day and I know it wasn’t a dream because I got out of bed and cried on the floor. THEN… when I was 11 I slept on my single bed, and my sister crystal dragged a single mattress onto my floor. if I stepped out of bed I was stepping on her and the bed. We were both sleeping on our stomach when we both woke up in the dead of sleep from the reflex of the back of our knees being hit. forcing our feet to come up and hit our butts. we both looked at each other and was like WTF…. back to bed. But not me I felt frozen but did not know why I was scared. Asked her last week about this time… she said she doesn’t remember? We talked and the next day about it too.

When I left and ran away from my terrible drug abusive home and signed myself into foster care at 12 years old. no mom no dad, no family… alone making life long decisions. didn’t have anything happen except every night in bed I felt watched. Last home that was my forever home… I always felt terrified in the refurnished basement. It wasn’t like a basement at all, so it wasn’t creepy. I felt scared every night. 16th birthday party I had 3 girls sleep over. never told anyone how I felt. Went to bed and all three girls are scared. Not like omg girl party screaming and giggling. they were actually scared and I panicking inside thinking “OMG they feel what I’ve been feeling… what do I do?” never told a soul. The girls remember that night and said it was the most uncomfortable feeling when the lights went out.

That it was an uncomfortable fear of not having control. Then when I was 18, last month of high school. I get my uniform on, hair…. then mom knocks on my door (foster mom). I think to myself “omg mom whaaatttttttttt its 7am and I’m up plz leave lol”. I open the door and said “IF your brother (6 yrs-o) asks if you were upstairs last night say yes and that you were grabbing Q-tips?” I was like “sure?” whatever … lol Soon as he heard me come up from the basement for my lunch he flew off the couch to ask me… “did you stand in my doorway and mommy’s? saw you go downstairs”. I WAS LIKE WHAT THE HELL! that’s messed up. He said I was wearing a blanket and was black in the night hallway. That the blanket thing followed him as he ran between mom and dad and cried. it stood in their doorway, then went to the basement. for the rest of the nights and til this day mom brings the dos bed from Costco into his room because he wont sleep alone. Once he woke up and saw the dog had left the room, he screamed bloody murder for the dog, calling the dogs name. Gave me chills from the vibes and sound of him crying in the dark. hallway light is always on at night.. not night light… the big light lol

Don’t know how my parents kept their door open it was bright.

Now I’ve been moved out for 6 years and live with my husband. 4 years and I have not heard anything or felt anything. But I grew up in a household where I listened for the slightest sound at night to see if my mom was coming to beat me. I’m like military or whatever good at listening and identifying sounds without seeing them. People always say I can spot an animal before we get it in eye view…. I feel things. I’m also First Nations of Canada Metis Native. But the past year I’ve felt like something is following me again. books were thrown off my ikea 12 cubes shelf. one cube had two rows of books because the self is deep. They were on the floor, and the one book on top of the entire shelf had been put on the floor.

My cats are bad for tossing stuff but they were in the bedroom with me. Last night my cats were staring at the ceiling g and looking down then back up. they didn’t turn their ears when I called them for temptation treats. after a minute they came over to eat treats, but they beg for them… not this time? I heard were clicking sounds as I tried to fall asleep. sounded like it was in my house and not my walls. Felt uncomfortable to get out of bed so I held my pee. and if anyone knows being scared always makes you have to pee even if you don’t have to. I sage my house and every living soul in and around my place if they come onto my property.

My autistic sister remembers me telling her I heard someone in the basement. She went down into the awkward stairs and dirt basement (home was built in WW2) and had the same renovation’s, not much has changed. She went down but telling me I had to stay up. She heard something in the corner opposite from the water tank. Told me I was suppose to stay up stairs. Calling from up top I said I’m not with you. She thought she saw someone but come up to the main floor. I remember hearing things banging in the basement when I was 6 or 7. But for the first time at work I heard stuff moving.

I work in a group home for people with developmental disabilities. I’ve worker here for a year and the home has 2 people which requires one staff privately owned by family of household member. Like I said I can identify sounds, observe it in my brain and filter if its bad or good. for example if my client is moving in bed from discomfort I can hear the floor a little. just me and one client (other was with family out of town)…. the individual was in bed sleeping for an hour. I had just checked her and we have baby monitors (just sound).

As I’m going up to the second floor I heard the kitchen wooden chairs move. I stopped and listened…. nothing. I tell myself let go of these thoughts I’m okay and I’m at work not now. walk up the stairs and the empty room floor makes sounds like I’ve heard when the workers were walking around. heard it again. When to the bedroom to fold and put away the away individuals clean laundry. I heard the stairs make sounds at the top and the main floor under the last step makes a sound also.

Clients stomp and make the floors do this. first I told myself all houses shift my family does labour jobs I know this. Its an old house its going to make more sounds than a normal house shifting. I’m scared and I’m tricking my mind, be professional. Then the laundry room dryer changed temps of the heat. as I was bent over grabbing the wet to transfer it over to dry. I pressed off and on bottom because it was not allowing me to do anything. Held the off button and it worked when I started it again (digital washer 2017).

I usually keep lights off for the bill but I turned on all main floor lights and sat with sage and meditated saying positive mantras.

when I left leaving my boss. as I shut the door my hand on the door handle I felt negative vibes. But it wasn’t the house, felt like it whatever I can feel is following me. only been at my house and now for the first time at work?

 

So my question is could it be something following me or something along those lines? I had seen a lot of bed gang related, whore of a mom do things…. just a lot of pain and I’ve always said my real mom is the devils mom or daughter. she has a look that makes people not return. I told a worker my mom beats and starves me. took my top off to show my old marks and new… they were going to see my real mom and I NEVER HERD FROM HER AGAIN. until I signed myself into care and was waiting for my worker in the childrens aids office…. saw her to my right at her desk in her little office. I was so mad I got a beating for telling the truth…

so I’ve thought I’ve walked through hell and something attached itself to me from the environment or from the things done to me.

if I’m alone in a field or among trees I feel it even more.

Asked by Alysha