Death and Life

Question About Death And Forgiveness

I have a question… If in this world you have the opportunity to forgive, but the grievance is too horrific to forgive… if that person dies and they don’t care or offer that forgiveness will they have the opportunity to ask again? And if the person who is waiting for that expression is not there to hear it… then what?

Asked by Lisa (LaFawn)

13 replies on “Question About Death And Forgiveness”

Hi Lisa,

Forgiveness is very personal. What is horrific to one person, might be forgiven by another .. I am thinking of that lady who forgave the murderer of her daughter. She always reminds me of the greatness of people, our capacity to love one another. My daughter is precious to me (my son also), and I would hope I could be as good a person as that lady .. but, I don’t know, and I don’t want to find out.

‘The opportunity to ask again’ .. we can ask for forgiveness from anyone, living or dead. Spirits, who have crossed into heaven and reconnected with ‘Source/God’, know that love is the key to all things, and they forgive everything. It is only the living who hold onto pain and fear, and ghosts, of course .. which is why we cross them over.

If a person is dying and forgives everyone before doing so, even if the people who are forgiven do not hear it, it is still done. On an energy level their lives will change, as long as they will accept the forgiveness .. the message is sent to them subconsciously, or spiritually, if you want to write it that way. But, sometimes a person cannot forgive themselves and will not accept the forgiveness of another person, because they want to hold on to their resentment. The forgiveness has still be given, but they are blocking it.

Now, did I answer the question because it was a bit confusing ..?

Love & Peace

Ms. Ama you did well 🙂 I don’t like putting myself out there… but on and off.. and mostly off, my sperm donor has made contact and visits with me.. I’m 46 years old.. and the things he did to my mother is unquestionable …horrible… My first meeting with him was when I was 16.. and long periods in between..He is a wife and child abuser.. I keep waiting for an apology.. or something in the lines of “I made a mistake” .. but, he is now old.. lives in another state and randomly visits..I guess I’m just wanting closer for me and mom..


Dear Lisa,

We don’t forgive others to help them, we forgive others to help ourselves. Anger, resentment and fear are like acid that burns within us, destroying our peace. We can hang on to them, hug them to our chest, but in the end who benefits? As you said, in your answer, the villain may never say he is sorry .. and while an apology might be helpful and perhaps healing, what if he said it and didn’t mean it .. would lip-service to the words be enough for you?

Forgiveness is like an onion. It happens in layers. Peel off one layer and your eyes burn and you cry, it hurts to ‘see’ the memories of what happens, but if you keep persisting, one layer at a time, eventually you stop crying and the hurt disappears, until all that is left is a tiny core that can be let go of .. simply let go of .. and then the power that you have given your sperm donor, by holding onto your anger and pain, is suddenly yours again, and you are set free.

Karma being what it is the man will suffer, perhaps as you and your mother suffered, when you were a child. That’s the fairness of God to me, that we have another life to ‘get things right’ or to receive ‘like for like’ behaviour. It’s a pity that concept is not very well understood in western society. The punishment really is made to fit the crime – or better yet, the punishment never happens because the victims decide that enough is enough of the bad behaviour, and they show their true spiritual strength by forgiving and letting go.

We all have our axe to grind, and I too have stayed angry at people for what they have done to me when I was young, but .. once I decided to change my mind, and find my peace a different way .. oh the joy of it. I shall meet that person in heaven, when I cross, and might not react perfectly, but I’ll try – after all, we are all trying to be good and loving people .. the ones that Jesus wanted us to be.

Hmm.. I’ve been on facebook exchanging comments with a very determined man who demands that God destroy his enemies .. so the phrase “treat your enemies well and God will pour hot coals on their heads” comes to mind. Do you know it? It’s my husband’s favourite saying, when he wants to annoy me. LOL

We love you,
Love & Peace

My mamaw would use the phrase… bake your enemy a love thy neighbor no matter what..and make them think.. what are they plottin lol..your wonderful Tom has it right… you guys are part of my life without actually being there.. like a guardian angel…who knew I would have met up with a precious friend so far away and was able to touch my heart and make me smile..You are one of a kind Ms. Ama… rich blessings to whatever your hand my touch.. God is good and I consider you heaven sent 🙂

Thank you Lisa, that is a lovely bunch of compliments! And I am so glad I made you smile!

As for anyone else .. blow them kisses .. that’s what I do, even if just mentally .. when I allow someone to hurt my feelings. I blow them a kiss. It’s good energy for them, and good karma for me. LOL

We love you,
Love & Peace

Hi guys

I have to agree with Ama – forgiveness is about enrichment of ones self. Does it matter if the other person is too ignorant to be humbled by forgiveness? To me (and beleive me, I’ve had some bad experiences) the only time I truly felt peace and warmth within, was when I truly forgave them – no matter whether they knew it or not.

This may be construde as rather selfish but, in my view, we can only move on and enjoy the rest of our lives in peace, once we’ve genually put the bad experiences of the past behind us. Forgiveness, true forgiveness, gives us that opportunity to move on. It’s all very Zen-based – lol!


I recently lost my husband of 25 yrs; he was 47. Our 2 children have dreamed of him 44-5x already, but our youngest and me haven’t dreamed of him. I still find myself crying uncontrollably (when I’m alone and remembers him). I’ve a lot of questions bec. he died in his sleep and we the night before it happened, we didn’t have the usual before sleep conversation like we usually have. I’d like to know if he will visit me in my dreams; if he can hear me when I talk to him and pray for him; if he watches over me? Thank you.

Hello Jie,

Yes, your husband will be watching over you, and talking with you when you sleep. If you ask quietly and calmly, he might appear in your dreams, but perhaps not until you calm down a little, and stop hurting so much. He would not want to add to your pain. He loves you very much. And yes, he can hear what you say when you are awake, and hears you pray for him, and appreciates it .. did he get exasperated very easily? Was he impatient? Those thoughts and feelings just ‘popped’ in, so if they are not about your husband, I will clear my home.

Love & Peace

Hi Ama,
Thank you so much for a swift reply. I’m actually the less patient between the two of us. Although lately before he left, he got a bit exasperated easily with the children when they spend more time at the computer. We had several plans this Christmas, new Year and even a late celebration of our anniversary (supposed to be done this year). I still cannot comprehend why he had to leave that soon. I did not or do I question God’s plans but my mind still holds to his being a keeper of promises (as much as he can). He was a bit disappointed with our youngest’s grades last quarter. I feel that between the 2 of us, it’s him who could guide our youngest more. Is he in heaven?

This morning, when I went down to to go the kitchen. There was a smell, and I saw on one of the throw pillows on the couch is a poop that looks like from a human. My kids said they didn’t do it. My house help said that it wasn’t there when she locked the doors. We don’t have pets inside the house and there’s no way an outsider could have entered and do it. I’m still puzzled over this.

Thank you so much, Ama. God bless you.

Hello Jie,

Everyone goes to heaven, so yes, he’s there .. and if he wasn’t I would know by now, so you have nothing to worry about on that score.

As for guiding your youngest, you’ll do a good job. Just remind him his father loves him and expects good things from him .. and that he’s watching .. far more clearly than he could have if he had been living. But always with Love, not frustrations now.

The poop .. wasn’t a message. I am not sure how it got there, but ghosts and spirits don’t leave that stuff behind them. Perhaps one of your pets got locked in overnight .. it does happen sometimes. Hopefully it won’t happen again.

Love & Peace

Hi Ama,

Sorry if I wasn’t able to include this question: I also would like to know if I did something wrong when I was trying to revive him since he wasn’t responding when I was trying to wake him up.

Thank you.

Hi Ama,

You’re a blessing. I feel that sharing with you how I feel and think about the loss of my husband helped answer some of the questions that have been adding to the confusion in my mind. Your assurance of him being in heaven eased my pain a bit. Although the pain of losing him is still there. I go teary-eyed again during Mass this evening.

My 2nd just had his dream early this January. He was at the computer where there’s a family TV and my husband was lying in front of it (one of his relaxations). My husband was saying something to him (he couldn’t remember); he then went to lie down beside his dad while his dad was still saying something at the same time holding the remote; pointing it towards the TV. The last words his dad said and the only thing he remembered were “I wouldn’t be here much longer.” Then, “Sorry.” He doesn’t know if the “sorry” word had something to do with what his dad was doing with the remote or something else.

I hope you don’t find this a bother and taking up much of your time. I have a cousin who is gifted like you but I couldn’t contact him since he’s based right now overseas and it’s a bit difficult exchanging messages with him. I hope you understand.

Thank you again.

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